


you’re my final destination, i know

by adorkabealekendrick



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain Marvel (2019) Spoilers, Captain Marvel - Freeform, Carol Danvers - Freeform, Domestic Avengers, F/F, Lesbian, Love, Marvel - Freeform, Parent Carol Danvers, carol danvers/maria rambeau - Freeform, carol/maria, carolmaria, maria rambeau - Freeform, mcu - Freeform, relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-03-31 00:12:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19038415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorkabealekendrick/pseuds/adorkabealekendrick
Summary: The brunette looked up at her, and smiled sweetly at Carol’s pink cheeks and slight smile. Maria hadn’t yet figured out what that smile meant. Over time, she would come to understand that it was Carol’s overcome with love smile, the smile that only ever appears from time to time. It left her eyes twinkling as she stared into Maria’s, shining with a certain amount of love that Carol didn’t yet realise she had.ora collection of oneshots about carol and maria’s friendship and relationship pre-kree





	1. Chapter 1

Maria huffed, taking another swig of her beer as she stared grimly at the mac and cheese she’d had to cover with aluminium foil for the past fifteen minutes. Carol had  _ promised  _ her that she’d be home by seven, so Maria thought that 7:30 would be the perfect time to have dinner ready for. Carol had been working extra hours at the base recently, what with Lawson’s project coming along nicely, and Maria was beginning to take pity on her girlfriend’s inability to stay awake whilst watching reruns of Fresh Prince every night. Considering she’d gotten home at five, she thought that making Carol’s favourite dinner would hopefully act as a destresser for the blonde. 

And yet, the damn blonde wasn’t even home. 

She was twenty minutes late. What irks the brunette even more is that Carol  _ knows  _ how much Maria hates lateness. She loathes it - with a passion. She’d made that clear the first time they’d shared a room, back when they were both still training pilots, after Carol came in half an hour after curfew. Sure, it wasn’t Maria’s responsibility to be frustrated with Carol at the time, but  _ boy  _ was she pissed. Had Carol not promised a round at the bar - on her - for the following night then maybe Maria never would’ve forgiven her. 

Of course, Maria always threatens unforgiveness, even if it’s just in her own mind, but she never carries it out and Carol knows that. She knows that, or else she wouldn’t have continued to goof around and actively annoy Maria every damn day of their lives, she wouldn’t ask too many questions or leave mess or refuse to mow the lawn when she was supposed to until the weeds were growing taller than the flowers and the grass was beginning to hide hedgehogs in its foliage.  _ God _ , Carol was annoying. An annoying goof, with annoying puppy eyes and an annoying pout and an annoying baby voice and that annoying triumphant smirk that appears whenever Carol knows Maria’s let it slide. 

Maria  _ always  _ lets it slide.

She always threatens her girlfriend ‘one day, Danvers, you’ll be sorry as I kick you out onto the streets with the three items of furniture you own,’. Carol always shrugs and replies with her cocky grin ‘that same day, Rambeau, you’ll remember how much you love me and invite me back in.’. 

Today might just be that day.

Carol was twenty minutes late.

The dinner was probably getting cold. Maria sure was, with every passing second that wasn’t accompanied by the sound of Carol struggling to jam her key into the door (she always misses). She’d really stood there, like a clown, for an hour and a half preparing and cooking this dinner for Carol to not even show up. 

The worst part was, Carol finished at 6:30pm today. Unless she’d gotten the timings wrong, she should have been home fifteen minutes ago at the very latest if the traffic was terrible. But no, she was still very much  _ not  _ home. 

Maria was getting antsy. 

The TV was on in the background, but the pilot was hardly watching it. It was getting later and later. Another five minutes passed. Maria sighed loudly and stood up, not minding the scraping of her chair legs against the wood like Carol usually does. She was just moving to push the chicken back into the oven when she heard the unmistakable jingle of Carol’s keys in the door. Today, it sounded more frantic and jagged than usual.  _ As it should  _ Maria thought with a small shake of her head. She stood still, continuing to listen to Carol finally getting the door open and tripping slightly as she rushed in, slamming the door shut in her haste and heading straight for the kitchen.

“Take your damn shoes off!”

Maria resisted the urge to chuckle as she heard her girlfriend groan anxiously and kick her ankle boots off. Carol skidded into the kitchen, looking frazzled, her hair wild and her cheeks tinted pink. Maria crossed her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow. Carol recognised this look - this look was the  _ this better be good  _ look, the one Maria only gave her whenever she really was on the precipice of deep shit. Carol’s expression immediately switched to pleading.

“Baby I’m  _ so  _ sorry I’m late, it was total mayhem out there, I swear, and Lawson kept me another ten minutes to show me how I’d placed one  _ tiny  _ gear wrong in the bird engine and lectured me about how it could have resulted in death or something even though it was  _ clear  _ that the placement was only  _ slightly  _ off and I had to stop and get diesel and there was this cat-”

“A  _ cat?”  _

“It was in the road and it was scared, so I had to move it out the way and it got purry and stuff you know and it held me back from stopping off at the-uh, that’s not important, the point is I’m  _ so  _ sorry, Maria, I really am,” 

“Stopping off at the what?” Maria narrowed her eyes, cocking her head as she waited for Carol to elaborate.

Carol was doing that face she does whenever she’s said too much. Her eyebrows knit and she averted her eyes and clenched her jaw and twitched her thumb. Maria can see that the cogs are turning in her head as she strives to come up with something. Eventually, Carol sighed and shook her head, pushing her hair behind her face.    
“Nowhere, honestly, it’s not important. Let’s just have dinner, it smells  _ so  _ good.”

“Not so fast, Danvers, don’t peg me for a fool.” Maria half-glared at her, craning her neck to look down at her girlfriend. “Where were you?”

“Just...at the park.” Carol replied hesitantly, looking down.

“The  _ park _ ?” Maria frowned, genuinely confused. “What compelled you to drive to the  _ park  _ instead of to your  _ house  _ where your dinner was getting cold and your girlfriend was getting pissed??”

Carol scratched the back of her head. She had the decency to look guilty, at least. “Well, when you put it like that...I guess I should’ve gone to the park afterwards,”

Maria had to laugh, although she remained incredulously staring. “Why were you going to the park at all?”

Carol looked up at her with those same puppy eyes that breaks her every time. “I just had spare lunch and I wanted to give it to something instead of waste it. But the ducks  _ and  _ the birds were hungry, so I shared it out before I came home.” 

Maria couldn’t help how her heart softened. Of course. Of  _ course  _ the first time Carol’s late in the past year it’s because she’s being too selfless for her own good. She was supposed to be being  _ angry  _ at Carol right now. The soft smile that was creeping its way onto her face was certainly not as frustrated as it was meant to look. 

“You’re too soft for your own good.” Maria said, half-seriously.

Carol gasped, bringing an indignant hand to her chest. “I am  _ not  _ soft.” 

Maria gave her a look.

“I’m not!” Carol insisted. She smirked, snagging Maria’s waist and drawing her into a dip, making the brunette laugh loudly in surprise. “Would a soft person be doing this? I don’t think so,” 

Maria replied wittily, but Carol barely heard whatever she said. It was one of those moments where she was completely and utterly entranced by Maria’s beauty. From her dazzling eyes, to her plump lips and her dark complexion. Maria was by far the only woman Carol could ever dream of loving the way she loves her. She’d move mountains for Maria, and if anything ever happened to her she wouldn’t know how to cope. Maria Rambeau is her rock, and who knows where Carol would be without her. 

“Carol.” Maria said, smiling softly up at her. “Get your head out of the clouds,”

Carol grinned so brightly and genuinely down at her that Maria could’ve sworn that she could see the stars shining in her hazel eyes. She mumbled “not a softie.” before gently kissing her girlfriend. The kiss was short and sweet, before Maria demanded to be let up. 

Carol stood Maria up and grinned at her. “Am I still in trouble?” She said in a somewhat teasing voice.

Maria looked at her seriously for a moment. “If you let it happen one more time I won’t be so forgiving.”

Carol could tell by her grave tone that Maria  _ meant  _ it this time, and she nodded seriously. “I promise I won’t.”

——

“Maria! Hey, Maria!!” 

Maria turned round with a smirk to see Carol waving manically at her from the front yard. She shook her head with a soft chuckle - Carol looked like an idiot (which definitely wasn’t the case). Maria had been out visiting a friend all afternoon and it was now approaching dusk, and leaving Carol to her own devices seemed like a stupid thing to do but she did it anyway. And, granted, Carol hadn’t burnt the house down so there’s that, but she was jumping up and down in her jacket, Maria’s old university sweatshirt and short shorts, wearing her Simpson slippers with her unruly blonde locks bouncing with her. 

“Hey, Danvers,” Maria greeted her smoothly, locking her car doors and stepping towards her girlfriend. “You’re notably happy this evening,”

“I have something to show you!” Carol said, rushing over and linking her arm with the brunette’s.

“Okay…” Maria said carefully, accepting Carol’s desperate tugging. “Where are we going??”

“Nowhere special,” Carol said vaguely. 

Maria sighed, knowing she was just going to have to wait and see. Carol kept them walking for around ten minutes, in a direction Maria hadn’t even explored before. She led them through a few uphill, windy paths until Carol stopped at a clearance.

“Okay, we made it in time.” She sighed in relief, stretching slightly before taking Maria’s hand. “Do you like it?”

Maria wanted to reply, but she was at a pure loss for words. She was looking at the sunset, from a point so high that it overlooked their side of New Orleans. The horizon was a mix of pinks and oranges and reds and purples, a particular type of sky Maria had only seen as a blur during flight before. It was gorgeous. Beyond gorgeous, in fact, it was breathtaking. She squeezed Carol’s hand, making the blonde squeeze back.

“Wow.” Maria said honestly. “When did you find this?”

“Uhhh, last Wednesday,” Carol said, in her unusually shy voice that was always a tell-tale sign to Maria that she’d done something she shouldn’t have.

Maria narrowed her eyes, but she didn’t look away from the slow sunset. “Last Wednesday was the same day you were late, Carol.”

Carol let out a nervous chuckle. “Yeah…” 

Maria turned round then, eyeing her girlfriend. “Are you telling me you lied when you told me why you got home so late??”

Carol rushed to explain herself. “It wasn’t a  _ lie _ , it was a  _ white  _ lie, I swear. I did see the cat and I went to the park, but neither of those things took that long. It’s cause I saw this place a few months ago and I wanted to make sure you could see the sunset here so I stayed and watched it last week.”

Maria couldn’t even bring herself to be mad. She shook her head with another soft chuckle - Carol was something else. 

Carol continued. “I figured we could have a picnic here at some point. You know...it’s quiet. Secluded. Nobody’s watching…” 

“We can, at some point,” Maria nodded.

“Also, I wanted to find a nice place to give you this.” Carol said awkwardly, pulling a long box out from her tan leather jacket, making the brunette raise a single brow.

“What is it?” She said slightly suspiciously as she took the box.

“Just-Just open it. I don’t know if you’ll like it. If you don’t we can totally-“

“Oh wow.” Maria breathed out again. 

Inside, was a gold necklace. It’s pendant was a decent size, in a beautiful bold font, and it read  _ Maria _ . It was beautiful, as beautiful as the sunset - especially with it’s setting rays bouncing off of the golden finish, creating a glowing hue - but not quite as beautiful as the woman who was currently gnawing at her lip as she took in Maria’s reaction. “Carol...when did you...how-?”

Carol grinned, her proud, lopsided grin - she’d rendered Maria speechless, which was no easy feat. “Today. I went to the jewellery place. I hope it’s not too big or anything. I watched him do it so I could make sure. I just…” she took a deep breath. Maria looked up at her with a beaming, encouraging smile. “I know we’ve only been actually  _ together  _ for a month but I just want to thank you. I know I’m a lot to handle sometimes and I wouldn’t even wanna date me because of it. And you’re just always there for me, you know? And you...you believe in me and things. And I’m just…I love you so much, Maria, seriously. You’re the best, strongest, most loving person ever. And I feel like you’re always giving me so much. You deserve the world.” She spoke so genuinely, so sincerely, with one hand squeezing Maria’s tightly and her eyes shining in the light of the sun. Feeling as if she was getting too sappy for her own good, Carol smirked. “I mean, I wasn’t allowed to put the world on a necklace but the cashier guy said this was the next best option.”

Maria laughed wetly. Some people at the base - the guys more so than the girls - often thought Carol to be pretty stoic when it comes to emotions. Aside from her naturally strong, hard-working and happy nature, everyone assumed she didn’t care about much else than her work. Maria had never believed or agreed with them - she knew that only she knows the real Carol. The Carol who would always be willing to die for the people she cares about, the Carol who burns her toast and blames it on the bread for not popping up earlier. And this Carol. The Carol who spends an excessive amount of time and money to ensure Maria understands that her love is appreciated, to ensure Maria knows that sleeping next to her every night and kissing her every morning was Carol’s happiness.  _ Maria  _ was her happiness.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to get me anything,” Maria said softly, tracing her thumb over the pendant.

Carol shrugged shyly - it wasn’t often that Carol became shy - and said, “I wanted to.”

The brunette looked up at her, and smiled sweetly at Carol’s pink cheeks and slight smile. Maria hadn’t yet figured out what that smile meant. Over time, she would come to understand that it was Carol’s  _ overcome with love  _ smile, the smile that only ever appears from time to time. It left her eyes twinkling as she stared into Maria’s, shining with a certain amount of love that Carol didn’t yet realise she had.

Pivoting on her heel, Maria handed Carol back the box and lowered her shirt collar. Understanding the indication, Carol carefully took the necklace from the box - smiling proudly at her choice of font - and brought her arms up and over Maria’s head to clasp the necklace. The weight of the pendant against her chest was particularly comforting, and once Carol had successfully tugged against it to make sure it wouldn’t fall off, Maria turned back around. 

“It’s beautiful, baby, thank you.” 

Carol smirked cockily, eyes still glimmering.

“Just like you.”


	2. Chapter 2

 

_“She’s got a smile that it seems to me_

_Reminds me of childhood memories_

_Where everything was as fresh_

_As the bright blue sky!”_

 

Already feeling her cheeks heat up with a rosy hue, Carol closed her eyes and grinned, shaking her head as the man next to her nudged her when she was pointed at.

It was that time of the night, apparently.

The time when - after a certain number of drinks - her best friend got excited enough to sing on her own. Usually, the song emancipated Maria’s feelings at the time - not that Carol realised this when she was on the same level of tipsiness. Maria was atop the makeshift stage, loudly singing _Sweet Child o’ Mine_ into the mic, eyes bright and smile wide, half-giggling through the words and jumping up and down excitedly to one of her favourite Guns N’ Roses songs. Maria was looking straight at her, as if her slightly-slurred “I shall be dedicating thissong to my best friend DANVERS!” into the mic at the beginning wasn’t indication enough that she was serenading her best friend. With the crowd cheering her on, Maria only became more energetic. It wasn’t often that she let her hair down like this, maybe once or twice a month, but it was _always_ welcomed by the bar, and especially by Carol.

Seeing Maria so care-free and happy was everything to her.

It was also pretty embarrassing, too. Notably when Maria decided her words needed actions as well as jumping and head-bangs, and Carol couldn’t help but laugh when she watched Maria jump down from the stage and practically skip towards her. It was so out of character for her best friend that it was pretty hilarious.

 

“ _Now and then that I see her face_

_She takes me away to that special place_

_And if I’d stare too long_

_I’d probably break down and cry!”_

 

Maria was grabbing her arm now, hoisting her up despite Carol’s giggly protests. She spent the next few verses dancing Carol around on one arm. Eventually, she pushed the blonde up onto the stage and laughed into the mic as she refused to let her down.

“Sing it with me!” Maria demanded, picking up the other mic and thrusting it into Carol’s palm. “Don’t act as if you can resist my charm Danv- oh, oh, oh, ohh sweet child o’ mine!”

Under the slightly dim, slightly crimson lights of Poncho’s, Carol could swear that Maria had only ever looked this beautiful once before. The first time she ever saw her, lining up for the breakfast queue at their first day of training years ago. Right now, the rays were bouncing off of her best friend’s smooth complexion, brightening her face even further and intensifying every feature until Carol could _feel_ the envy radiating around the room, all directed towards her. Because _she_ was Maria’s best friend, she was the one allowed to sing with her, she was Maria’s everything.  And god, the blonde knew this wasn’t normal. She should _not_ be looking at her best friend with all this awe as if she was brighter than the sun. But she couldn’t help it; she wouldn’t help it. The butterflies in her stomach and the warmth in her chest wasn’t from the alcohol.

She would never admit that to anyone else, though.

Sometimes, Carol wondered if Maria felt it too. The attraction, the magnetic force between them. Carol always knew when Maria was having a bad day even when she hadn’t seen the brunette, and that wasn’t just by chance. She _felt_ it, always. Just like now. She could feel it. That same inticing attraction that practically forced Carol to give in to Maria - just like she always did. Pushing thoughts of Maria’s eyes and her (kissable) lips out of her mind, Carol joined in for the final chorus.

\--

“Rambeau?”

“Johnson?” Maria turned around to face the man. He was one of the nicer fighter pilots, a man who held genuine humour and kindness.

Maria frowned at Johnson’s expression - he wasn’t smiling as he usually does. Instead, he seemed nervous and worried.

“What is it??” Maria asked.

“Uh, I’m not sure what happened exactly-”

“Out with it, Johnson.” Maria demanded, now panicked.

“Doctor Lawson wants to meet you at the ward. Room 8c. It’s Danvers.”

Maria’s heart sunk. She dropped the paperwork she’d just spent ten minutes looking for, and practically flew past her co-worker. Her mind was already zooming through all the different possibilities. Carol had been flying today, just practicing a dogfight with Lawson. What if she’d crashed? How badly could she have been hurt? Maria knew Carol was a smart pilot, but the girl doesn’t always think with her head - especially not when it’s full of adrenaline. Knowing Carol could have gone right down with that plane put a certain _high_ level of panic in Maria’s chest - she couldn’t lose her.

Not now.

Her brisk walking turned into a full-blown sprint as the hospital wards came into view. As she reached the room, she took a deep breath. She needed to prepare herself for the worst. If Lawson was calling her in, it couldn’t be just a few scratches. She opened the door.

Immediately, her eyes fell onto the hospital bed. She could just about see Carol’s hair peeking out from the top of the pillow, and she gulped and slowly moved closer. Carol looked...troubled. Her eyebrows were furrowed as if she was in pain, and her usually clear features were littered with red scratches that Maria knew weren’t deep enough to scar, but they still upset her to look at. Lawson was sitting by Carol’s bed.

“What happened?” asked the pilot shakily, gently reaching out and pushing a few strands of hair out of Carol’s face.

Lawson turned around. “Oh, good, you got my message. She’s okay, Maria. She’s just unconscious, and she probably has a concussion.”

“What happened??”

Lawson sighed. “It was all going well. The landing gear was slightly jammed - they didn’t extend fully. Carol had a rough landing. She was unconscious when I got to her, I’m not sure if that happened instantly or not. Her helmet should have protected her brain from any damage.”

Maria wanted to scream.

Both her and Carol knew their job was dangerous, they knew that each day could be their last. But Jesus Christ, was this really necessary? By the sound of it Carol really couldn’t help landing roughly. But...Maria knew the dangers of doing so - Carol could have broken her neck with an intense whiplash. Anything could have happened. Maria wasn’t ready to lose her best friend. She would never be ready.

Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.

A slight incline of Carol’s bird could have ruined everything. Maria faintly heard Lawson mutter something about a coffee, and watched as she left her peripheral vision. Maria stroked Carol’s hair softly, feeling a small bump on her head that wasn’t there before.

“Dammit, Danvers.” She sighed softly. “Please don’t do this again...you scared the shit out of me.”

Carol probably couldn’t hear her, but Maria felt it was necessary to say. Her deep breath was unusually shaky.

“I love you, okay? I can’t lose you.”

Carol’s forehead creased as she frowned further. “No...you just c-can’t get rid of me…”

Maria closed her eyes and smirked - her _why do I put up with you Carol Danvers_ smirk - and looked down at her best friend. Her chest panged. She wasn’t sure if Carol heard the first half of her words, and honestly she hoped that she didn’t - she didn’t mean _romantic_ love, or anything like that. Strictly platonic. Professional, even. They only really lived together out of necessity to begin with. There was no need for anything more, was there? No, there wasn’t. There couldn’t be. Well, to be frank, it was a debate Maria had been having with herself for longer than a while now, but she still refused to believe her admiration for her best friend was anything to do with desire. It couldn’t be - it _shouldn’t_ be. She’s already an outcast at the base, she wouldn’t let something like this make that any worse. She loved Carol, yes, but who wouldn’t love their best friend? Nobody sane.

Maybe that’s why Carol’s never said it back to her.

Maria wanted to chuckle at her own humourous mind, but she didn’t. Instead, she looked down as the blonde’s eyelids fluttered to reveal those same hazel-green kind orbs that she’d grown to (platonically) love. They seemed slightly clouded and unfocused, but they were there.

“You gave me a _heart attack_ Carol. You’re a pain in the ass.” Maria scowled, flicking her shoulder lightly.

Carol smirked weakly. “That was my aim,”  
“Shut up and tell me how you feel.”

“Doesn’t that sort of defeat the purpo-”

“Oh, good.” The brunette scoffed. “You’re clearly peachy if you’re willing to be a smartass right now.” Maria glared at her.

Carol closed her eyes again and hummed.

“Don’t know. Feeling fiine.”

“ _Carol_.”

“My head hurts. And everything else. But also head.”

“What’s my middle name?”

Carol huffed. “No trick questions.”

“What bone did I break age 12?”

“Leg?”

Maria bit her lip. “No, it was my ankle. I’m going to get the doctor. Don’t you dare move.”

“Yes, ma’am…”

\---

The next morning, Carol and Maria were both housebound. Carol because of her small concussion, and Maria because she refused to let Carol sit at home confused all day. The blonde in question was sitting - already restless - at the table, watching Maria cook them breakfast.

“Can I help?”

“No.”

“...Can I help now?”

“No, Carol.”

“Can I help now?”

“No.”

“Can I help now?”

“Carol, _stop_. You’re lucky I’m not keeping you in bed like you’re supposed to be.” Maria chuckled, reaching for the pan.

She looked over her shoulder as she did so, looking back at her best friend. Carol was...sulking. Maria knew she hated not doing things, but she’d already bent Lawson’s rules by not keeping Carol on bedrest. Maria slowed as she looked - Carol was adorable. Especially for such a strong and powerful woman, her little pout and her crossed arms and her frown as she stared at the table was cuter than Maria could have expected, and it softened her heart. She snapped herself out of it pretty quickly, though: she wasn’t supposed to be thinking these things. Maria turned back round to the cooker, pouring the batter into the pan.

Carol wasn’t about to pretend to herself that she didn’t feel Maria’s eyes linger. They were there, and they were there for longer than they should have been. It put a certain burst of hope in Carol’s chest that she really shouldn’t have been feeling. If anyone at the base found out she was having these type of feelings for another woman, they would kick her out just like her dad did. She’s worked too hard to let her job fall to pieces because of a stupid schoolgirl-like crush.

But God, Carol knew it was more than that.

She knew each morning when she saw Maria’s tired smile. She knew with each car race to work. She knew with each morning jog, and each lingering hug and each long stare. She knew with the few times that they had shared a bed. She knew when trading Maria’s chicken for her sausage at lunch. She knew when watching TV every night, practically cuddling on the couch with a beer. She knew when she forced Maria to stargaze with her in the dead of night. She knew when she stared at Maria’s always bright, starlit eyes. She knew.

She was far past that school girl stage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sort of mixes up the timeline slightly as they would’ve been singing this in maybe 1984, but the song was released in 1987, butttttt I really just had to use it so...we’ve entered an alternate universe in which the song was released in 1983 xoxogossipgirl


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set around two to three months before chapter 2.

“I’m sorry...you what??”

“I have a date tonight.” Maria repeated, just as calmly as she continued ironing out a dress.

“A...A  _ date _ ??” 

“Yes, Carol, it’s where two people who supposedly have romantic feelings for one another go out for a meal of some sort to get to know each other better.” Maria explained slowly, as if her best friend was a child.

“With who?” Carol demanded, trying to sound more inquisitive than protective. 

She couldn’t help the racing of her heart nor the jealousy beginning to bubble up in her chest, as much as she was willing to ignore it. Maria did not  _ do  _ dates. In all the years she’d known the brunette, not once had she ever seen Maria go on a date. With anyone. That’s not to say she didn’t like anyone, but she’d never been on a date.

“Johnson.” 

Carol’s eyes bulged. “Johnson?  _ Johnson??  _ You’re going on a date with Johnson???”

“Yes, Carol, for Christ’s sake, what is so hard to understand?”

“You can't date Johnson!” Carol exclaimed, aggressively tossing her book onto the kitchen table.

Maria shifted her weight to her right leg, tilted her head and looked at Carol with a raised brow and pursed lips. “And why not?”

The blonde scoffed indignantly, standing up to look into Maria’s eyes head-on, and started to stutter and splutter. “Because! Because he’s...he’s…”

“The nicest and most genuine man we know, a man who actually knows how to behave and isn’t a sexist  _ or  _ racist pig towards me. I don’t know what you could possibly have against that man, C, I really don’t. You best believe he’ll treat me well. I know he will.” Maria chuckled softly and went back to her dress. She shook her head softly, taking a slight leap of faith with her next comment. “No need to get all jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.” Carol muttered under her breath, pushing her chair back further and grabbing her mug and book. 

Maria caught her eye with another signature  _ Maria  _ look. The look that says ‘don’t lie to me, Danvers’. The look that is quite frankly  _ always  _ irritating to receive.

Carol rolled her eyes.

“I’m not jealous of you.” Carol glared, aggravated by Maria’s teasing.

“Then what, you’re jealous of him?” Maria smirked, forcing out a bark of laughter.

_ Yes _ . Jealous was one term for whatever inner rage the pilot was feeling right now. Envy was up there too, and possibly betrayal, but she felt overly covetous all the same. 

“Why on earth would I be jealous of a man? Do you know me at all??”

Maria seemed to contemplate for a moment. “Well, I know you wish you could take me out and get to know me like he can.”

Carol looked at her oddly for a moment - Maria briefly wondered if she’d overstepped the line - before chuckling and shaking her head, walking towards the back door. “Just iron your stupid dress, Maria. Unfortunately for me, I already know you.”

The blonde faintly heard Maria mutter something about ironing her mouth shut in a minute, and giggled as she stepped outside. Carol held her breath until she was a sizeable distance away from her best friend, and certainly out of hearing distance. Jesus  _ Christ _ . What was all that about? And how the hell was she able to keep her cool under those kind of jokes from the woman she was in love with for so long?? Carol hated to think of it as love, she preferred the term fond. Yes, she was incredibly fond of Maria. Infatuated, if you will. Or is infatuated too similar to love? Either way, all of that got a little too close to the surface. Of course, Carol knew Maria was just kidding around, trying to put a little colour into her cheeks. But damn, how accurate can jokes get until they turn into facts? Her breath hitched as she wondered if Maria was trying to get somewhere with her specifics. What if Maria knows, and is just waiting for her to admit it? If she was to admit her feelings, how would it go down? Carol doesn’t think Maria’s particularly homophobic, but she was literally raised in a church, her father a pastor. What if she doesn’t believe in same-sex relationships? What if she’s trying to catch Carol out and get her kicked off the force? 

Carol shook her head quickly, attempting to shake her ridiculous bemuses out. Maria would never do that. Maria loves her. Maybe not in a romantic way, but the platonic love is there and will be there forever. 

Carol just had to learn to settle.

\--

Carol took another swig of her beer with a frown as she took particular interest in the coaster on the table. She’d never noticed it before, with its intricate brown and blue design, but it suddenly was much more appealing to look at than Maria and Johnson cosying up to one another on the other side of the booth. This had been happening for the past two weeks, now. Carol never realised having Maria’s attention  _ not  _ directed towards her 24/7 would be quite so aggravatingly difficult. Not only was tonight boring so far, but it was so fucking  _ superficial,  _ too. Every second of it.

Johnson had knocked on their door with a bouquet of roses. He’d held Maria’s waist on the way to the bar. He’d told stupid, god-awful jokes that of  _ course  _ Maria had laughed at every time That’s another thing Carol can’t wrap her head around - Maria  _ giggling.  _ Like a teenager. She’d understand if Johnson was actually entertaining, but he was about as exciting as a piece of stale sourdough. She found herself wondering whether or not Maria’s judgement of his character was clouded by something, perhaps a love potion or hypnotic magic he’d given her prior to their first date. Carol wouldn’t exactly be surprised if that were the case - all men play dirty, that’s just how men are. They’re rotten, dirty, lying douches. Every single one of them. 

Apart from Maria’s father, maybe. He was nice, he also made pretty good scrambled eggs.

Everyone else, though? Douches.

“Right, C?” 

Maria’s voice calling her name pulled Carol out of her head, and she nodded encouragingly, taking another swig in the hopes of the alcohol numbing her emotions. She  _ hated  _ emotions.

“Is that right, Danvers?”

“Totes.” Carol deadpanned, before smiling sweetly and getting up, walking off to the bar. Screw settling. She’d had enough.

“Totes? What kind of fucking word is totes??” Johnson laughed, nudging Maria. “She’s always been a bit of a nutter.”

Maria forced her laugh out, nodding a little. “Yeah…”

She wasn’t an idiot - she could tell something was off with Carol. In all honesty, the brunette wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but Carol had been acting weird all night. Maria hadn’t seen her much that day - she’d eaten lunch with Johnson and his friends today, relieved by the refreshing change of little to none sexist comments - so perhaps something was bothering the blonde from work. She’d make sure to ask tonight once they’re home. Right now, though, she needed to spend time with Johnson. As much time as possible. She needed the reassurance that she could like him as much as she liked Carol. As much as? No. More than, was more like it. More than, because Maria  _ didn’t  _ have romantic feelings for Carol like she does for Johnson. At all, in fact. Because Carol is her best friend and nothing more. She will always be her best friend. Nothing more.

_ Yeah, keep telling yourself that Rambeau. _

Maria pinched her thigh as she responded absentmindedly to Johnson’s question. That little voice in her head needed to shut the hell up. Maria looked briefly around the bar, zoning out for the first time that night. She wondered where Carol had gotten to…

“Alright, guys and gals. We gotta song for you tonight. Danvers coming in with Jessie’s Girl. Take it away blondie.”

Eyes flitting to the makeshift stage, Maria watched in surprise as Carol stepped up onto the platform with a microphone. She scanned the crowd briefly and met eyes with her best friend. The brunette reeled back slightly - she’d never seen such a cold glare in Carol’s eyes directed towards her before. 

 

_ “Jessie is a friend, _

_ Yeah I know he’s been a good friend of mine _

_ But lately something’s changed that ain’t hard to define _

_ Jessie’s got himself a girl and I want to make her mine,” _

 

The crowd had all paused their conversations to listen, and were cheering Carol on loudly as she strutted across the stage like a rock star, running her hands through her hair and shooting death glares at every face she sees. Maria bit her lip - Carol was being careful not to direct the song too clearly at her, but she knew. Goddamnit, she  _ knew _ . This was it. Carol was opening up. In the most unconventional - yet also the most Carol - way possible. 

Maria’s throat had gone dry.

 

“ _ And she’s watching him with those eyes, _

_ And she’s loving him with that body, I just know it _

_ Yeah, and he’s holding her in his arms late, late at night…” _

 

Staring right at Maria, Carol lurched forward in the short time before the chorus, grabbed hold of the mic stand and pressed herself up against it. Maria’s eyes flitted to the way her best friend’s chest had been thrust out briefly and she swallowed, quickly averting her eyes.

 

_ “You know I wish that I had Jessie’s girl! _

_ I wish that I had Jessie’s girl! _

_ Where can I find a woman like that? _

 

_ I play along with the charade _

_ There doesn’t seem to be a reason to change _

_ You know, I feel so dirty when they start talking cute  _

_ I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot...” _

 

Carol jumped off the stage and started to stalk around as she sang, earning more support from the audience as she kicked chairs and lightly slammed down glasses from each table.

 

_ “Cause she’s watching him with those eyes _

_ Ad she’s loving him with that body, I just know it _

_ And he’s holding her in his arms late, late at night _

 

_ You know I wish that I had Jessie’s girl _

_ I wish that I had Jessie’s girl _

_ Where can I find a woman like that??” _

 

**Where can I find a woman like that?**

The lyric echoed in Maria’s head, drowning out Johnson’s voice in her ear and his hand on her thigh and the cheers from the crowd and Carol’s purposefully-rough singing and the scraping of the chairs and the banging of the glasses. This couldn’t be happening, not right now. Not in the goddamn 80s. There were  _ riots _ about this sort of thing, not songs and dances. People died for this. Couples around the world were  _ executed  _ for this. Maria was not going to die at the hands of a policeman and she would  _ never  _ let Carol be put into that situation on her behalf. Carol was trying now, Jesus, was she trying. Trying to win Maria over?? What was she trying to do exactly? Make her jealous? Make her confused? Whatever it was, the brunette pilot was near certain that Carol’s stunt was working. And she wouldn’t let it. She  _ refused  _ to let it.

“How about we go to your place tonight, baby?” 

The words were slipping out before Maria had a chance to think them through. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or pure refusal of her feelings, but this was happening whether she really wanted it to be with him or not. 

This was happening.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be longer!

Well, this sucked.

Not eating strawberry jelly on toast at 1am with her best friend after a night at Pancho’s sucked. Not watching at least one rerun of M*A*S*H or The Golden Girls with her best friend whilst they ate their strawberry jelly on toast sucked. Not flipping a coin to see who should do the dishes sucked. Not barging past each other and ultimately getting stuck in the doorway to fight over who got to use the bathroom first sucked. Not shouting ‘shut up!’ through the wall to Maria’s - often slightly slurred - singing before bed sucked. Going to sleep without the sound of Maria’s humming through the wall sucked. 

Not having Maria constantly by her side sucked.

Carol liked to complain about Maria all the time, about how she was more like her annoying mom than her best friend, or talking about how she needs to ‘take a chill pill, Rambeau, peace and love my dude’ in her best lazy-hippie accent possible. But the truth was...Carol needed Maria. Not just to function, but to talk to and laugh with and fight with and eat with. Without Maria, she didn’t feel like herself. 

She still couldn’t believe that right now  _ Maria Rambeau  _ was at a man’s house, spending the night. It just didn’t sound like her Maria, as if something didn’t add up. She could barely comprehend the fact that Maria was dating now, let alone doing  _ other  _ stuff with him too. It was unsettling;  _ really  _ unsettling. But at the same time it wasn’t. Mostly because she knows Maria isn’t an idiot. Far from it, to be honest. And Maria will be doing everything she can to make sure nothing that isn’t supposed to happen happens. She’ll be fine. She’s Maria. She knows how to take care of herself. 

\--

Maria swore under her breath as she dropped the bottle of aspirin onto the counter, the clash reverberating around the bathroom. The last thing she wanted to do right now was wake Carol up. She already felt bad enough for the night before. She shouldn’t have ditched her best friend, she really shouldn’t have. It was just...that voice in her head. A stupid,  _ stupid  _ voice in her head. 

It wasn’t often that Maria second guessed or denied her own thoughts. It was rare, actually, incredibly rare. But whenever she did - the few times in her life that she had - she always went to extremes to disprove whatever she was thinking. Like last night, for example. 

She knows. She  _ knows  _ she’s probably in love with Carol. She definitely likes her... _ non-platonically _ . Last night was just...needed for the realisation. Or, the acception, at least. Spending the night with Johnson...having  _ sex  _ with Johnson was...alright. It wasn’t groundbreaking, it wasn’t awful. It didn’t last particularly long. He fell asleep almost immediately afterwards. 

To be perfectly honest with herself, Maria knew from the moment she left the bar that the night wouldn’t be good. She only went through with it to prove herself wrong, to prove that she could just as easily be with a man and like a man and fall in love with a man and be happy with a man.

She couldn’t.

It hurt to admit.

“Maria?” 

Maria jumped, nearly choking on her pill at the sudden sound of Carol creeping up behind her. Carol had a talent when it came to creeping, she was often so unbelievably silent that Maria didn’t notice her even when she came into view. Of course, by mulling over this briefly at the time, Maria was only stalling an inevitable conversation. 

She turned around.

“You’re up early,” Maria bored softly.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Carol deadpanned, sounding slightly colder than usual.

Maria sighed. “Neither could I.”

Carol raised a brow. “Was it that bad?”

“It...could’ve been better, yes.” Maria reasoned softly, leaning back on the counter.

“Could’ve been  _ better _ ? I thought you were falling in love with him.” 

Maria looked at the blonde incredulously. “and what gave you that idea??”

Carol huffed and glared at the toothbrush holder. “Everything, Maria.”

Maria’s eyes widened and then narrowed. “You can’t seriously be jealous, Carol. It’s a relationship. Bearing in mind you’ve never been in one, let me enlighten you - during a relationship you divide your time evenly between your partner and your friends. Excuse me for putting myself out there and trying something new.”

On the inside, Maria couldn’t help but roll her eyes at herself: why was she defending him?

“Is last night what you call dividing your time? Giggling with Johnson all night and barely glancing towards your best friend who you were actually supposed to be going to the bar with? Believe me Maria, evenly distributing and whatever the hell last night was are two very different things.” Although she hadn’t cussed Maria once overnight, seeing her now was raising each concern and frustration Carol had and it was all coming out in the same angry tone. 

Maria huffed out a humourless chuckle. “I am not having this conversation with you right now.”

Clenching her jaw and setting her face in a clear scowl, Carol pivoted and stormed off, going back to her bedroom and forcefully shutting the door. 

Taking a deep breath, Maria turned and rested her hands on the countertop, raising her eyes to stare back at herself in the mirror. She looked tired. Disheveled. She bit her bottom lip. There was a particular pit of guilt that always developed in her gut whenever she and Carol fought. It was unsettling, to say the least. Even if she knew she was in the right, she could never shake the regret after having to witness Carol’s features turn furious but always see the hurt in her eyes. Carol was hurting, right now, as she did whenever they argued. It was obvious. The glint of betrayal was never far away in her orbs, and the shame and repentance was never far in Maria’s.

She really,  _ really  _ hated to see Carol upset. And the fact that she was the one who did the upsetting made it a thousand times worse. 

She didn’t know how she was going to resolve this one.

—

“Danvers, where’s your other half?” 

Carol looked up with a raised eyebrow. “My other half?”

“Yeah, Rambeau,” her friend nodded at her. “Where she at?”

Carol gave a half shrug. “Not sure. Don’t think we’re married though, so she’s not my other half.”

Her friend huffed, raising her eyebrows with a shit-eating smirk on her face that Carol wanted more than anything to be able to wipe off. “My mistake. You’re usually inseparable.”

Carol just pursed her lips and chose not to reply. She couldn’t care less where Maria was right now. Well, she could, but not much less than she does now. She wouldn’t be surprised if Maria was still feigning girlfriend material for Johnson, sitting somewhere with his friends and eating lunch. It was still so strange to think about. She wanted the old Maria back.

The blonde made polite conversation with the few other friends she has on the force of the majority of lunch. She was just moving onto her dessert when she noticed Maria in her peripheral vision. But she was being even less Maria than she had been being recently. She was...running. Running? Walking quickly; nearly jogging, almost. She was heading towards the changing rooms. And - perhaps the most peculiar image - her head was bent so low that it was hanging completely towards the floor, any lower and it would snap.

Carol wanted to ignore it. She really did, ignore it just as she’d felt ignored by Maria for the past few weeks. But she and everyone at her lunch table knew she wasn’t going to do that. Not bothering to make excuses, Carol stood abruptly and rushed to follow her best friend. She reached the door to the rooms and slowed, gently pushing the door open and creeping in.

“Maria?” She called out.

As she listened, she only heard the reply of soft sniffling. Carol’s features darkened. Maria was  _ crying _ . Nothing ever made Maria cry.

She was going to kill Johnson.

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Carol tentatively stepped further into the changing rooms, towards the slouched figure sitting on one of the benches. Despite the fire swirling around in her chest as she began to piece together what must have happened, she could feel her heart aching as she listened to Maria’s crying. It was the worst sound in the world, and an even worse feeling knowing she could have stopped whatever caused this if she had just been there. 

Maria side-glanced at Carol’s approaching figure, and sniffed, wiping her eyes. Carol sat down and immediately, her arms were around her best friend as she brought her in for a tight embrace. In all honesty, the blonde wanted to beat herself up for pettily avoiding Maria instead of continuing and resolving their argument. But it was too late now - the damage had clearly been done. Carol could tell the brunette was actively keeping her emotions at bay, and she frowned.

“Maria.” she said softly. “Just let it out…”

The other woman’s face began to scrunch, and she swallowed thickly before allowing more tears to fall. Carol didn’t quieten her down, she didn’t tease or make a fuss. She just sat there, being there for her best friend as she vowed she always would be. But she knew - she knew Maria wasn’t just crying about whatever happened. Maria  _ never  _ cries, she takes deep breaths and purses her lips. The last time Carol saw Maria genuinely cry it was because the brunette broke her wrist two years ago. This onset of emotion was far too overdue, and there was no way Carol would attempt to lessen it with empty words of comfort.

After a few minutes, Maria sat up from where she’d been leaning on Carol’s shoulder and took a deep breath. They were both quiet for a moment.

“I’m sorry, Maria.”

“Carol, I’m sorry-”

The duo looked at each other, soft smiles suddenly adorning their features. It was probably the best way possible for them to break the ice, and Carol chuckled breathily.

“Let me go first.”

Maria nodded.

“I’m sorry about the other night, and the other morning, and everything. I should’ve just respected your decisions. I just-I really didn’t want to see it happen. I didn’t want things to change. I was-I was...jealous, of the attention he got. I don’t know.” Carol’s cheeks flamed as she thought about the real reason she’d sung  _ that _ song at the bar. She didn’t want to address it, really - she didn’t want Maria to figure it out. But she knew she had to. Here goes nothing. “And...I’m sorry about the-the song. It was probably just really embarrassing for you-“

“C, I know why you sang the song.” Maria interrupted her softly. She watched as Carol’s fists tightened into tiny balls, and she knew Carol was digging her nails into her palms. Maria placed her hand atop her best friend’s, carefully un-prying her fingers before she bruised herself. “It’s okay.”

Carol avoided eye contact with her. She only clenched her jaw and nodded.

“Right, my turn. I’m sorry for not listening to you. You’re my best friend. And you were right. I knew you were right from the moment you questioned it.”

“But I wasn’t about to try and  _ stop you _ , Maria. You liked him.”

“Yeah. Sort of,”

“What?”

“I...I sort of liked him.”

“What do you mean sort of??”

Carol’s dangerous tone made Maria look up at her, somewhat concerningly. “You heard me. I liked him to an extent.”

“Maria. Why the hell would you  _ sleep with him _ if you only liked him to an  _ extent _ ?”

Maria huffed. “I told you we’re not having this conversation-“

Carol threw Maria’s hands off of her own, glaring at her. “Yes, we are. What is wrong with you? You don’t just date someone and ignore someone else and have sex with someone because you sort of like them. All the while  _ knowing  _ you’re gonna end up getting hurt because as ‘nice’ as Johnson is, he’s a fucking coward and you know it,”

“Carol-“

“Don’t  _ Carol  _ me, Maria. Don’t act as if I’m bullshitting right now, don’t you dare.” Her voice was getting increasingly shaky, and her tone increasingly upset. “Why would you get yourself hurt for no reason? And I  _ know  _ he hurt you. I know he’s the one that made you cry. What did he do to you?”

Maria opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn’t get a word out before Carol lurched up and paced a few feet away.

“No, no - let me guess. “ She swivelled back round, her glare strong and angry. “He was being nice to you, then the second he was with you in front of his friends it was all racist jokes and sexist comments and everyone laughing at you as a ‘joke’ until you couldn’t take it anymore.”

To be perfectly honest, Maria could barely tell if Carol was angry at her or just angry at Johnson, but it pained her to slowly nod because the blonde had gotten it spot on. That was exactly what had happened. It was as if Carol knew this would happen eventually. Maria could barely believe that she’d overlooked what she also knew was a big possibility in favour of not putting her and Carol’s relationship in jeopardy, only to end up doing exactly that. 

Maria’s silence convinced Carol that her suspicions were correct, and her gaze softened. Her tone dripped of helpless upset as she said “Why did you go out with him? And why did you take all his shit earlier?”

Maria raked a hand through her hair. Her stomach was in knots, her chest was tightening, and above all else it felt as though there was a gigantic golf ball trapped in her throat. But as much as her brain was sending all the flight or fight signals, her heart knew there would never be a time as good as now to say it. To admit it - both to herself and her best friend. It had to be now.

Seeing Maria’s personal confliction, Carol was about to tell her nevermind and go and find Johnson to kick his ass. But Maria took a breath, as if she was going to speak, and stood up.

Her voice cracked as she spoke. “I did it because I was trying to get over you.”

Carol stopped. Stopped moving, stopped breathing, stopped hurting. Her heart was pounding faster than she’d ever felt it, faster than when she opened her acceptance letter into the air force, faster than the first time she flew a plane, faster than the first time she met Maria. She wanted to speak, to say something - anything - but her throat had closed up and her mouth was dry and her hands were shaking and her cheeks were reddening. She couldn’t process it,  _ wouldn’t  _ process it, as if her brain was refusing to believe this to be reality. 

Eventually, she managed a quiet and cracked “what?”. Their eyes met, both with unshed tears but for incredibly different tears. 

Before either of them could utter another word, the alarm signalling afternoon roll call and marching ran. Maria nodded, thankful for the sudden distraction.

“Not here.”

Carol‘s brows furrowed and she nodded. As much as she wanted to be able to sort this out now, to  _ finally  _ confess her feelings, she couldn’t. Not here - not when they were surrounded by their homophobic superiors.

She had to wait.

—

Turns out, waiting was bloody difficult.

It was only a few hours, but in those hours both Carol and Maria couldn’t stop thinking about what had occurred, and what was going to. Judging by Carol’s minute-long silence after her confession earlier, it felt as though Maria was only going to get home to find Carol awkwardly packing her bags. There was no way the blonde wanted to stay living together anymore, Maria knew it. She’d ruined things, for good. God, she never should have opened her mouth. But whilst Maria was sulking, Carol was feeling more and more elated as time went on. It took an hour for her to believe that she wasn’t in a dream, but once she did it was as if she was seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses. Maria  _ liked  _ her, liked her romantically, enough to feel the need to get over her. That was incredible. They could finally do something about this, talk about this. Hopefully, they could even define a relationship. Carol couldn’t even believe her luck. And yes, she was damn lucky. Lucky to even know Maria in the first place - being able to be the one Maria had feelings for was beyond anything she had ever thought possible. She couldn’t wait to see Maria again, in the comfort of their own home where they didn’t have to worry about being themselves. The possibilities were endless.

By the time Carol got home, Maria was already sitting waiting for her at the kitchen table. Carol’s smile dropped the second she saw how stricken her best friend looked. Maria was nursing a tea and gnawing away at her - already chapped from the amount of overthinking she’d been doing all day - bottom lip. Maria cleared her throat slightly as Carol stepped into the kitchen, looking up at her with an expression Carol had never seen on the brunette before.

“I’ve found a few places I think you’ll like.” Maria started the conversation, albeit grumbly. 

‘What do you mean places?”’

“I mean, affordable places that you’ll be happy with.”

Carol narrowed her eyes at her friend, frowning in disapproval.

“Maria…” the blonde said slowly, as if she was speaking to a toddler. “Where do you think this conversation is going?”

Maria’s eyes narrowed to match Carol’s. “Where do  _ you _ think this conversation’s  going?”

“I asked you first.”

Maria sighed. “Judging by your silent reaction this morning it’s pretty clear how this conversation is going to go, Carol. It’s fine.”

Carol blinked in confusion.  “What? I’m not-I…”

“I said it’s fine, don’t worry about it and we’ll just-”

“Maria, I love you.”

Oh.  _ Oh.  _ Wow. 

Carol stepped closer, blushing once again. “I’ve...I’ve been in love with you for nearly five years.”

Maria’s lips upturned and her cheeks lifted into a watery smile. She rushed forward and pulled Carol into a tight embrace. Carol felt like home to her, having Carol in her arms and feeling the blonde bury her face into the crook of her shoulder as Maria’s left hand reached up and stroked her blonde locks felt like home to her. Like all was right in the world. And it was, in a way. Her world loved her.  _ Carol  _ loved her. The happiness and relief was indescribable. 

“I love you too, Carol.” 

They stayed there, happily basking in the other’s feelings, for a few more minutes. Basking in the knowledge that they don’t have to hide from each other or beat around the bush anymore.

“So-”

“Can we order pizza?” Carol asked, her face still hidden in her best friend.

Maria chuckled. “Why not,”

Carol pulled back to grin at her and kiss her cheek - an action that had been done plenty of times before but still made Maria’s heart flutter. 

Once they had ordered pizza, and fought over whether or not to add pineapples until Maria suggested just ordering a large half and half, they were sitting on the sofa with the pizza box in between them. Carol had stuck her tongue out at Maria’s warning of not getting tomato sauce on their cushions, and proceeded to sit down without a plate anyway. They were half-paying attention to the TV when Carol took a small breath.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Have you ever bothered to ask me before opening your big mouth in the past?” Maria teased her, letting out a small laugh at Carol’s narrowed eyes. “Go ahead.”

“...What did Johnson actually say to you?”

Maria sighed, putting down her slice of pizza. Multiple things had been said, but the thing that Johnson said that struck a genuine nerve, it managed to horrify her and it managed to hurt her. “He called me a monkey, Carol. His ‘little monkey’.”

Looking up, Maria sighed softly again as she watched Carol’s features darken in anger. 

“Was that all?” Carol gritted out.

“You came up in conversation. They were talking about the song you sang at the bar.”

Carol’s jaw unclenched and her furrowed brows turned worried. 

“They called you a-a…” Maria lowered her voice. “A dyke.”

Watching the emotions flit through Carol’s eyes was difficult - there was immediate fury, and shock, but mostly pain. It hurt to see. Maria reached over and swept a lock of hair behind Carol’s ear. 

“I’m sorry, C.”

Carol looked down at her lap, scowling. Maria knew she’d been called  _ that  _ in the past, mostly in high school but once by her father. It was a horrible reputation to have, and Carol had always sworn - even to Maria - that she wasn’t one. She’d been expelled from school once because rumours were spread - in her  _ Catholic  _ girls school - that she was one. It really, really hurt, especially having her friends look at her in disgust and one by one stop interacting with her at all. Nobody in her life had ever been particularly accepting of gay people or lesbians, and Carol hadn’t really accepted her feelings for a long time because of it. But by being called that  _ here _ , where Carol wasn’t even sure of the extent at which she would be punished if word got round, that was dangerous. It had always been her dream to be in the air force, and there was no way she was allowing her dream to be crushed by accusations from homophobic co-workers. The fire in her chest was back. 

She was mad.

Carol brushed off Maria’s apologies, and listened as Maria explained that the word he and his friends had used was what set her over the edge. It was getting pretty late, and after the events of the day they reached a mutual decision to talk more about their feelings and establish boundaries tomorrow. Today, they just enjoyed each other’s company after a poignant lack of for the past few weeks. After finishing the pizza, they sat on the sofa - Maria with her feet up and snuggled into Carol’s side - and watched M*A*S*H, content with just being with each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d just like to give a disclaimer that I’m bisexual, and I would never say the d-word, and it’s only being used here for the realistic purpose of the storyline, as it’s ‘80s America in the military.

**Author's Note:**

> I know her necklace says Monica, donMt worry, I got plans


End file.
